Nobody wants to go to prison. But murders, robberies, drug-related offenses and various crimes do happen all over the place on an hourly basis , and someone’s bound to go to jail for them, guilty or not. That means serving time behind bars is an ugly possibility for just about everyone.
Should this happen to anyone of us and have the added misfortune of being sent to a tough prison, remember that the idea of taking a dump inside a cell with someone lying in a bunk about a foot away is the least of your problems. Survival, naturally, should be your biggest concern. Listed below are some prison no-nos that could earn you a shiv in the throat, and you should do everything to steer clear of these. Unless, of course, you have a death wish, or worse, you’re just plain stupid.
1. Staring at other inmates
We all know it’s not polite to stare. If law-abiding people outside the prison walls get offended by it, imagine how much more offended a hardened criminal serving time for a double murder could get.
2. Bragging about your crime
Some criminals are stupid enough to discuss what they’re in for to anyone who cares to listen. Maybe they want everyone to know they’re badasses or something, but it brings attention to themselves, and that is definitely not good when you’re in prison. And if the crime happens to be child-related, waking up with a sharp object in their gut is a foregone conclusion.
3. Gambling
When gambling, you either win or lose. When gambling in prison, losing or winning doesn’t matter. Either way, you make enemies. Winning could piss the losers off, and losing and not being able to afford to pay up is a sure way of shortening your stay in jail by getting killed. Always remember that when gambling in prison, it isn’t really money or cigarettes or stuff that you’re gambling with, so avoid it like the Ebola virus.
4. Pissing guards off
We’ve seen all those movies and TV shows where guards come down real hard on inmates who give them a difficult time. While these are fictional, they do make sense. Prison guards, after all, control every aspect of life inside the jail, and pissing them off isn’t exactly the wisest thing to do. Push guards’ buttons hard enough and they could easily have other lowlifes beat you to within an inch of your life.
5. Being too friendly with the guards
This is the other end of the spectrum, where being too friendly with the guards could raise suspicions that you could be telling on your fellow inmates. Any incident where a prisoner gets caught committing an infraction and you, being known as Mr. Congeniality among guards, will automatically be thought of as the rat. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what could happen next.
6. Actually ratting your fellow prisoners out
See no. 5.
7. Accepting favors from anyone
There’s no such thing as a freebie in prison. Anyone offers you something, say, a pack of cigarettes which you’re naïve enough to accept, expect to hand out two packs in exchange in the future. Whatever you do, never get indebted to anyone inside, for they are only all too willing to collect, or punish you for failing to return the favor.
8. Being an opinionated blabbermouth
Discuss politics, religion, music or any subject with any inmate and before you know it, you might just find yourself engaged in a violent argument that could only end with someone getting hurt or killed. Silence is indeed golden when in prison.
9. Using drugs
This may sound like something out of the “Say No To Drugs” campaign, but drugs really are bad news, outside or inside. Apart from getting punished if ever you get caught by the guards with some, you could end up dead should your drug debts accumulate and you fail to pay them.
10. Acting like an all-around jerk
People get killed for much less in the outside world. Tone down, or better yet, lose the attitude when you land in prison if you wanna outlive your sentence.
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